A young girl gives a blowjob to a guy at a gig, pictures are up loaded onto the internet and the web goes wild. Which begs the question, who hasn’t had embarrassing sex?
Maybe you were fortunate enough to be surrounded by real decent human beings who are not sexist or revel in others humiliation but you have been there. Don’t deny it. Maybe I am wrong, maybe you havn’t had terrible sex, congratulations, you may be an alien. The concept of a person in Ireland having a healthy and fulfilling sex life is still a bit of a mystery to me. Sure it is possible but its similar to a lotus growing in the mud, we really have an issue nourishing that stuff. This is becoming more and more evident based on our reactions to anything sexual presented to us by the media. The discourse always seems to centre itself around polarising gender stereotypes with the man as the victory and the woman as the slut. That is if God forbid she displays any semblance of interest in the act. Imagine a woman with a libido, next thing you know we will have women politicians.
The thing I understand about this is the fact that as a repressed Catholic country we are relatively new to this whole sex beyond the bed room in the dark thing. What I don’t understand is how we jumped straight for the sexist objectifying of women in the media but completely skipped the educating children about the challenges they would face when discovering their own sexuality. I feel like someone really dropped the ball in that regard. I mean most people learn about sex in school in the most inane, scientific way. Really it appears to me only so then don’t think a erection or some blood means they are dying and then we throw some condoms (if they are lucky) at them, tell them its illegal and send them off. One can only imagine the damage we are doing to our LGBT youth that are completely ignored in this. Is anybody surprised that kid are involved in questionable sexual activities, I am certainly not. We shame young people into thinking their sexuality is sinful and yet expose them to torrents of sexual imagery. This leaves their education to be filled in by porn, don’t get me started on porn. This and the questionable tones of conversations we as adults have, set unrealistic expectations for teenagers that there is no way they can meet. They simple do not understand the consequences of what they are doing. This is something that we are constantly bombarding them with but not preparing them for.
I will give you an example, I recently spoke to a teenage who was recounting a night in a house party where friends of his defecated in a girls kettle, when I displayed my disgust, he said she deserved it for what she had done. The deed she was guilty of was getting her period while he was having sex with her. He was utterly astounded when we explained to him how disgusting his behaviour was and how he was completely unjustified in his response. Everyone else he had spoken to had agreed with him.
Let me ask, are you happy with that being the way that we are educating our youth? Are you comfortable with them being so alien to the working of each others bodies that they shame and taunt one another for being human? Is it ok that the standards set out by porn are the ones to which the next generation sets themselves?
I sure as fuck am not. I’m not comfortable with entirely hairless, prepubescent women. I’m not comfortable with young men who think that they need to throw a girl around the place to get gratification when all they really want is someone to hold them. I am not happy with gay children thinking they have to have painful upsetting sex with the opposite gender to fit in. I am not happy with Trans youth being forced into these damaging situations that inevitably ignores their gender expression.
Surely we have all suffered enough through dodgy one night stands, concert blowjobs, abusive relationships and humiliating sex to not want to hand this on to the next generation. Why not pool our collective wisdom and share it with teenagers. I can’t see any moral issue with going into schools and being honest. What we need is outsourced sex education so it is not left to teachers who feel uncomfortable and are not trained in the issue. We need secular sex education that respects all backgrounds and identities. We need to explain that sex is great. It is a fundamental part of being human and it is something that we need to respect about one another. We are really far behind and to get our youth back on track we have a lot of work to do but we can start with something as simple as this.
Sex is like dancing, you can do it with another, you can do it on your own, you can do it with a group. Sometimes it is terrible, other times its great, but it never works if you don’t listen.